That was the proposal commercial for the Nintendo Amusement Park which debuted a few years ago. The vision of the creators was a fully mechanized recreation of a Super Mario Bros level, basically a Chuck E Cheese ball pit on steroids. The player would be harnessed into a super advanced bungee system that lets you mimic Mario and Luigi's incredible physics defying feats.

So how does all this work? According to the crude mockups in the commercial, the faux Mario first dons the appropriate plumber gear. This includes snazzy red overalls, red hat with big M, and the iconic plumber mustache (in case you're wondering, the ladies are also required to rock the 'stache, you are imitating Mario after all). After the player is properly outfitted, they are hooked up to a harness contraption, much like at the fair. After setup is complete, you bounce around, pop some coin balloons, jump on a pillow shaped like a Goomba, and rub a plush Super Mushroom all over yourself.

This may be a decent start, but it's not exactly the immersive experience that we were looking for. The folks at the Nintendo Amusement Park know this though and they have a plan to make it better. All they need is a paltry sum of 35 million dollars. (Normally, we would build this thing ourselves and money wouldn't be a problem since the Elders are all ridiculously wealthy tycoons. However, all of our vast fortune has gone into financing the ultimate Khoo-destroying ping pong robot.)

What, you may ask, does 35 million big ones buy you? A mechanical system of automatically sliding spools, moving platforms, and the all-important haptic winch. The entire "level" is controlled by a computer program that uses sensors and cameras to figure out where the player is and what they want to do. When you jump, the computer will watch you leap, calculate where you are trying to go, and turn your pathetic human hop into a superpowered Mario jump. With the right programming, the computer can let the user wall jump, double jump, float around like Princess Peach, and just about anything else they want to do.

(While this certainly sounds fun, we're a little wary of letting a computer decide when and where we get to run and jump. We would rather have a veteran Super Mario player controlling the harness instead of a machine that's hopefully at least browsed a few GameFaqs pages.)

Now that you have a magic Mario making machine, you need a the perfect stage. Lets take a look at a few ideas....

Nice scenery, but we're looking for something for a novice Mario wannabe. Maybe with a little less bullets.....

Hmm, the bottomless pits look promising, and the fiery bars of death are quite inviting. But we're looking for a something a little more forgiving for our first time in the harness.....

Not a chance. We hate this level when it's just on a TV screen, forget about the real life version. C'mon, one more try, let's get something fun and simple.....

Bingo! That's the one!

If that sounds like your cup of tea, and you happen to have a few extra million dollars burning a hole in your gold and jewel lined pockets, you might want to give the Nintendo Amusement Park guys a call. (Or, even better yet, give us a call. $55 million will buy a really cool Death Star laser for the Ping Pong Robot.)