Marioooooooo! Oh, Mariooooooo!

Armed with the Poltergust 3000, Luigi couldn't help but wonder why professor E. Gadd had armed him with what appeared to be nothing more than an ordinary vacuum cleaner to conquer a house full of ghosts. But Luigi was in no position to second guess a professor. After all, Mario was in trouble and unfortunately for Luigi, only Luigi was available to help.

Trembling with fear, Luigi flashed his light at anything that moved. When things got intense, he sucked...sucked hard. Yes, Luigi did a lot of sucking that evening. He sucked his way to the top...of the mansion that is.

How could this be? Luigi was supposed to succumb to his cowardice and meet the same fate of his brother. But now Luigi was on the verge of foiling Jumpman's plan. The only thing standing in Luigi's way was a giant Bowser mech possessed by King Boo. Despite Luigi's successes, Pixel was not worried. After all, Luigi was no match for Bowser much less a head spinning, split pea soup spewing possessed Bowser.

Sure enough, no more than 30 seconds into the battle, Luigi was on the verge of defeat. Despite Luigi's best sucking efforts, the Poltergust 3000 was impotent against King Boo. But just before King Boo unleashed the final death blow, Jumpman experienced an empiphany.

Jumpman and Luigi were really not all that different. In fact, the two had more commonalities than differences: their wardrobes consisted of nothing but closets full of green shirts and blue bottoms; they both benefited from superior jumping ability; they both loved the 80's; but most importantly, they both lived practically non-existent existences in Mario's giant shadow. Could it be possible? Were the rumors he had heard from his family when he was just a 2-bit tot true? Jumpman suddenly felt an emotion he'd never experienced before - pity for someone other than himself.

Cowaring in a pool of his own....[edited for the sake of Luigi's dignity]....Luigi was about to meet his maker, when Jumpman unleashed his patented boot stomp on Bowser's head, knocking it clear off his shoulders. Before returning to the ground, Jumpman ripped King Boo from the mech and booted him into oblivion. By the time Luigi worked up enough courage to open his eyes, King Boo was defeated, Jumpman was gone and all that remained was to rescue Mario and be showered with accolades for emerging as the hero for once.

Just seconds away from returning to stardom, Jumpman flushed his greatest opportunity right down the toilet. Why did Jumpman do it? Nobody really knows, not even Pixel. Some speculated that having obtained an advanced copy of the Super Mario Sunshine script, Jumpman feared starring in that game would do more to hurt his career than help it. Others in Silicon Valley speculated that Jumpman really was washed up and when push came to shove, he realized that he couldn't handle the spotlight and deliberately sabotaged this golden opportunity.

Whatever the reason, Pixel was not about to let Jumpman remain content in Mario's shadow. So Pixel called in a favor. If Jumpman was ever going to star in another Nintendo game, he needed an insider lobbying for his return. And if Miyamoto still refused to play nice, then Pixel needed someone who was willing to kick some ass, and take some names. With the Reginator on his side, it would only be a matter of time before Jumpman was king of the big N and Mario was exiled to the sewers of Brooklyn...

Enter the Reginator....[to be continued].

Previous installments:

Super Mario Galaxy Scandal: Part 1 - The Fall of Jumpman.
Super Mario Galaxy Scandal: Part 2 - Your Enemy's Enemies.

Related Stories:

Behind the Mascot: Disk-kun

Mario and Peach: The Real Story Part 1
Mario and Peach: The Real Story Part 2
Mario and Peach: The Real Story Part 3
Mario and Peach: The Real Story Part 3 1/2

Elder Goban's Fireside Chats: Chapter 1